These past few days, my pregnancy hormones were so bad that I broke down crying just because my partner washed his clothes. I also cried feeling empty because our schedules wouldn't meet. He works on shifting schedules, he also studies different language and is currently focusing on giving us a better life while I, on the other hand have to be as healthy and strong as possible for our little one.
I stopped working which means he felt he carries all the responsibilities of starting a new family. I sleep, eat, wait for him to wake up, wait for him to report on duty, wait for him to come home, wait for him to finish his meal, and wait till he falls asleep. Oftentimes, he would ask about us. Tend to our needs without thinking about his own.
The bottomline is, he no longer have time for me. He was too busy reaching his dreams knowing he has a huge responsibility. I cried thinking that I wanted nothing but attention, the same attention he used to spoil me before.
We are approaching our sixth year of being together, which means we've been through the loneliest and saddest part of our relationship. What sets it different from our situation now is, the journey is no longer about me or him, the journey is now all about us. If I tell him I wanted attention or brag about him being too busy on reaching his dreams, I know without a doubt that he would let go of them, turn his attention on me like he used to. But, the world changes everyday. We are no longer the immature ones running in the rain, fighting over stupid things, and letting our emotions decide what happens next. Six years and it lead us to grown thinking. Six years taught us that real love begins the moment you accept the fact it is not all about butterflies in your stomach, I love you's, and attention.
Real love begins the moment you both commit to nurturing the kind of relationship you have rather than letting go just when the laughters are over. Real love begins the moment you cannot stop your self from crying, and you turn to someone you love and still wants to be with that person.
He loves us enough to let go of his comfort zone and venture the unknown. He told me how scared and confuse he was. He loves me enough to not give me time and dwell on something that will make our lives better.
And I...
I love him enough to understand that he works harder, and studies harder for a future he dreamed of having, not just for him but for the family he loves. I love him enough that the spirit of real love works on convincing my pregnancy hormones to be stronger because the pain of waiting will be rewarded in the future. I even love him so much more knowing that he is someone who embraces responsibility. Someone who checks on me on a tiring, busy day. My lover is a man whom I met without a dream, and now is a man who is willing to do anything to give his family a better life.
The growth and changes we have is unstoppable, but so are we.
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