Her Defenses

Everything upsets me .

The noise of the traffic outside the four walls of my room, I with a trembling heart, sleeplessness, and disappointments of me being an open book.

My body craves for rest, but my mind doesn't want to. My mind is trying to convince my heart and soul to stop trying to escape from a cage of misery. It says differently from the wounds inside my heart. It is telling me to break free, for the knot to cut loose, for the emptiness to be filled.

I am weak, helpless, shattered. I want to scream. I want to build walls for my defenses, this time make it out from iron than a wood he burned.

I lost track of the times I cried and forgave. Each time thinking that you have changed. But each time I forgive you, I kept losing a part of me. So when you already have everything from me, and all things are worst because I can no longer give, that's when you stopped pursuing.

I accepted all your darkest, deepest imperfections, and built you for the man that you are now. It is painful that despite my efforts to stay true how come you still complain. 

Now here I am all alone. Lights off, I have never seen black as dark as this, I want to cry but the well is full enough to end drought. It washes away the pain. Now I am numb and this is dangerous.