Love, Mikay

These past few days, my pregnancy hormones were so bad that I broke down crying just because my partner washed his clothes. I also cried feeling empty because our schedules wouldn't meet. He works on shifting schedules, he also studies different language and is currently focusing on giving us a better life while I, on the other hand have to be as healthy and strong as possible for our little one.  I stopped working which means he felt he carries all the responsibilities of starting a new family. I sleep, eat, wait for him to wake up, wait for him to report on duty, wait for him to come home, wait for him to finish his meal, and wait till he falls asleep. Oftentimes, he would ask about us. Tend to our needs without thinking about his own.  The bottomline is, he no longer have time for me. He was too busy reaching his dreams knowing he has a huge responsibility. I cried thinking that I wanted nothing but attention, the same attention he used to spoil me before.  We are appr...

Everything upsets me . The noise of the traffic outside the four walls of my room, I with a trembling heart, sleeplessness, and disappointments of me being an open book. My body craves for rest, but my mind doesn't want to. My mind is trying to convince my heart and soul to stop trying to escape from a cage of misery. It says differently from the wounds inside my heart. It is telling me to break free, for the knot to cut loose, for the emptiness to be filled. I am weak, helpless, shattered. I want to scream. I want to build walls for my defenses, this time make it out from iron than a wood he burned. I lost track of the times I cried and forgave. Each time thinking that you have changed. But each time I forgive you, I kept losing a part of me. So when you already have everything from me, and all things are worst because I can no longer give, that's when you stopped pursuing. I accepted all your darkest, deepest imperfections, and built you for the man that you are now. It is pa...

Tonight, you asked me if I could turn off the light. I did. Instead of doing anything, you told me to sit, held both my hands and prayed. It was a short and meaningful prayer about how you want God to protect both our families, and for God to guide me wherever I go.  I know you mean everything you said. Tonight is another proof that you love me, because you prayed for me and my growth more than your own.  I love you. -02/26/22 

Today, I wore a mint dress about 7 inch below my knee. I showcased a messy bun while washing a pan you used to cook our dinner. You suddenly looked at me for seconds straight, smiling, so I asked why. 'You're pretty' that's what you said and I asked why while laughing, you never answered, you continued staring, smiling. I blushed. I looked at my reflection in our mirror, noticing how messy my hair is, how huge the dress I was wearing. Yet, you love me. - 02/24/21 

I see the need to create this blog knowing most of us are at home 24/7 with nothing to do but watch the news, afraid of the dangers of the outside, with high hopes that soon the pandemic will come to its end and; we can have all the time to meet our loved ones and then continue the small steps we took in reaching our dreams.  What frightened me is that I have read different articles claiming that the coronavirus generates more individuals who seek help for suffering depression that leads them to commit suicide. Well, people might say that we control what we have in mind. Still, we can't avoid the fact that what we saw on the news, what we heard every day, the cries, the loss, unemployment, missing close ties, and; our fear causes depression and anxiety.  There is not a day in my quarantine journey that I don't get the chance to open my messenger app and read messages from my close friends who are suffering from anxiety. Some of them still have their jobs during such time when ...